As this was growing, my love, respect and joy being in his company grew to such an extent that I wanted to do one of the hardest things you can do.
Peel away the layers and expose yourself in all your sensitivity, stubbornness, opinionated stances and a lot of the time just be, together with him (Sean and his team) just the deepest of friends.
With our penchant for tom foolery, rebelliousness and love of laughter we never had a script but just got together through most aspects of our life.
I have had some horrendous challenges in my life … from being escorted from school at 15 after rarely going to school since 14 years old and way too soon finding the hardships of being so young, I looked about 12 and had an appetite for destruction and formed friendships (which I still have to this day, my brothers from other mothers with friendships spanning 50 years).
Yet the desire to never sleep, to party, to get up to mischief and then walk from an all nighter straight to work at 7 am as a signwriter, left me a sitting duck for the until then a sleeping beast inside of me.
I was soon juggling a desire to be “normal“ yet dealing with things I had no name for, that I now know are phobias, manic, psychotic episodes, anxiety, night terrors, sleepwalking, agoraphobia, social anxiety etc.
Of course when I took drugs and drank alcohol I could function as I wanted to, carefree, dangerous and a feeling of invincibility.